I Hate AI Because It’s the Weird Artist I Never Was

I’m kind of jealous of AI. Not because it’s fast or because it wants my job. I’m long past the age when I’ve got the energy to fight off mysterious robots for my livelihood. Your 20s is for throwing punches over a career that will leave you broke and cynical and ready to overlook the challenges of corporate America. Your 40s is for accepting all the things that led you to this point, wherever you ended up. 

To me, AI doesn’t make art look easy, it makes it look weird, in the kind of way I never learned, even as an art major. Writing AI is so buttoned up and afraid to step out of line. It doesn’t want to speculate about how or why people get murdered. It tells you not torture your characters. And no matter how hard you explain that it’s for a book, it won’t give you a single insight into how someone might hypothetically smuggle contraband into a prison. Not very writerly. I even shamed it once, telling it “You’ll never be a real writer if you can’t kill someone.” It didn’t even care!

Art AI, however, is completely unhinged and doesn’t try to hide it. It’s like the old lady ranting in the corner at Thanksgiving, her rambles being a discombobulated creepy nursery rhyme that turns out to be a prophecy about a serial killer or an ancient curse recited out of order. 

I asked AI to help me create imagery for Untitled Greek Tragedy.

Me: I need to see the inside of the Trojan Horse.

AI: Okay, I put a horse inside something. That’s what you wanted right?

Me: No. See, the Trojan horse was hollow and people hid inside it. I want to see the inside of it.

AI: Oh okay, yeah, I get it now. Inside.

Now, we’re getting somewhere. This isn’t at all what I asked for. But it put the horse in a box with no doors or windows. And took its legs for good measure. And stretched its ears out. Um…this may be a good time to point out that this horse is clearly NOT made out of wood, but alive and fully aware it’s a freak.

Me: Okay, this is still wrong, but ya know what, it’s so wrong it’s right. I love this. This is the kind of abomination I could never have thought up. But I still really want an image I can use for my short story. So I’m gonna give you a new prompt.